October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Breast Cancer has become synonymous with pink ribbons and the color pink in general. Companies have made millions of dollars off of these pink items claiming that these funds go towards breast cancer research. Did you know that last year the largest breast cancer fundraising organization contributed approximately 19% of their proceeds to breast cancer research. Metastatic Breast Cancer research received only 2% of total contributions to breast cancer as a whole. Metastatic Breast Cancer WILL kill me. Hopefully not for a long time but someday it will take over my life unless……..a CURE is found. The only way that this is going to happen is if more research is done. While I completely support that early detection is important, a CURE is really the only way to eradicate breast cancer and it taking the lives of people like me.

So before you pink this month and donate, please make sure that you are giving to an organization that gives all of their proceeds to cancer research and not to boost the salaries of their already overpaid board of directors.

National Metastatic Breast Cancer day is October 13th this year. There are currently over 155,000 people in the US living with Metastatic Breast Cancer. This special group of people and I like to call ourselves Metavivors! Please  visit metavivor.org is you would like more information on this disease.

** I also realize that we recently did the Jimmy Fund walk clad in PINK t-shirts, with PINK bracelets so we are guilty of the PINK movement as well. The difference is 100% of the funds that we raised were donated to the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber for Research and pink just happens to be one of my favorite colors!

I had my first set of scans since my diagnosis on Monday. What a long day! We got into Boston around 7:45 and did not leave until 6:40 at night! I was poked, prodded, and scanned all day long. It was all worth it though! My oncologist said that all of my scans look great! There are no new spots in my bones and it actually looks like my bones are starting to heal. During the physical exam, my oncologist stated that she could not feel the tumors in my breast and that my lymph node, which was originally how we found this, had returned to its normal size and consistency! All great news. While I will never be cancer free or in remission, the goal for me is to be stable and have control of the cancer and these test results confirm that I AM stable and the cancer is under control!! Now we will stay on this regimen of medicines until they no longer work…….hopefully in many, many years.

This photo here is of my “Dana Farber Support team”!! Trevor as previously noted has been a rock for me through this whole ordeal. Sarah is my close friend who not only pulled some major strings to get me in with the best of the best at Dana Farber but managed to get me an appointment faster than some would dream possible! She has not missed one of my appointments and has provided Trevor and I great support while we are at these appointments. Keeping Trevor company while I am in my scans, hanging out with us in waiting rooms, showing us where to go b/c DFCI is not an easy place to get around and just basically being there! For this, she will never understand how much we adore and love her and how appreciative we are for all that she does for us! ( I know this is an awful photo but I think at this point we were on hour # 6 at the hospital!)

I had my fourth appointment and third treatment at Dana Farber a couple of days ago. My oncologist was unavailable so I saw her RN so there was really not much news. Things seem to remain steady and the medicine seems to be working still. My next set of scans will be in September so that will be when will be able to confirm if things are headed in the right direction! I am still feeling great for the most part. I am having some small side effects from the meds (tired and dizzy mostly, but wasn’t I always!). My current drug regimen is the following:

Lupron- a big shot in the butt once a month that shuts down ovaries. So currently I am going through menopause! Hot flashes are no joke!!

Zometa: a monthly infusion which I am receiving in the attached photo. This strengthens my bones since the oral chemo I am on is breaking down the cancer in my bones and essentially weakening my bones at the same time.

Letrozole- this daily pill shuts down all of the hormone production in the rest of my body.

Ibrance: This is the oral chemo I take daily to attack the cancer in my bones.

Since my cancer is so hormone receptive, the hormone therapy is basically taking the fuel out of the disease while attacking the cancer in the bones all while strengthening my bones. As my doctor said the 1,2,3 punch of medicines!!!

I am doing a good job at putting on a brave face most of the time. Many days I am able to push this awful new reality of mine to the back of my mind and move on. Go to work, take care of my family and home, and just be. But every so often this harsh reality pushes itself to the front of my mind and consumes me…..that is what has been happening the past few days. I can’t get it out of my head that I have an incurable cancer. That my future is now so unknown. That the plans I had for myself and my family may never come true. Everyone keeps telling me, “You’ll be fine” “Stay positive” “Keep that Faith”. All of that is really hard to do given the circumstances. I get it that my doctor’s say I have the best circumstances in a really bad situation and that they are optimistic and hopeful but all of the stats are not in my favor. I know that my mind is going to be the most powerful source in this fight and that I have to try to remain positive and hopeful but quite frankly this all sucks. For whatever reason I am having a hard time getting out of my own head this week and I thought that writing it down may be therapeutic. I was wrong……..

Big week in my house this week!

I am now the proud mama of a Pre-K graduate!! I’ve always celebrated everything so the mini graduation party we had after her ceremony was nothing out of character! But the tears that I shed at the graduation and for days after may have some people questioning my mental stability!? Truth is I am not sure if it is the hormones, or lack thereof, or the fact that the whole time i questioned if this would be the only graduation ceremony of hers that I will see. While my doctors are confident and optimistic that i can and will live with this disease for a “good long time” i can’t help but wonder if this disease will get the best of me before i’m good and ready. At this point i feel entitled to the good cries and the bad days but I’m trying my best to stay positive, optimistic and hopeful that in 13 years i will be writing another post about her high school graduation.

I also had my monthly appointment with my oncologist. It is funny how easy they are becoming….we are learning our way to the hospital and timing our trek through the city of Boston during rush hour perfectly. I have found my favorite nurse, Roxanne, who can get my IV and take my 9 tubes of blood in one stick!! I learned that i can get acupuncture and a hand massage while getting my infusion making it all a little bit better. Luckily this infusion of Zometa produced no side effects which was a huge relief b/c my first infusion had me in bed for 3 days with terrible pain and flu-like symptoms. So thankful for this b/c we are also in the middle of dance recital week which is no easy feat in itself (#dancemoms)! We also found out that my tumor markers have continued to go down meaning that the hormone therapy is working! So now we continue to ride this wave of “good progress” until next month!! It is funny b/c we are starting to make goals based on Dr’s appt (i.e Let’s get Colin potty trained b/f our next appt) HA!!

On April 11, 2016 I celebrated my 35th birthday. On that day I was a wife of eight years to Trevor and a mother to 5 year old Quinn and 2 year old Colin. I was a daughter, a sister, a friend, a co-worker, and the life of the party. While I’m still all of those things, I’m now also someone living with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer, which there is currently no cure for.

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