Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope that everyone takes a moment to look at their lives and be thankful for the good in them. It is hard to believe, but take it from someone who is dying from terminal cancer, the good outweighs the bad……you just have to keep your eyes and heart open for the good in your life and not let the bad control you!
The past few months have been nuts for me. I started my new chemo medicine called Enhurtu. I need to go in every three weeks for treatment. I haven’t felt too bad. Very, very tired all of the time and some stomach and nauseous issues to deal with. I got very depressed when I could not drive for a while. I felt like a prisoner in the house b/c I could never leave it on my own. I am so thankful for the people who picked me up and helped me escape the house and feel normal for a little bit! I am so so thankful for the people who stepped up and drove Colin and Quinn where they needed to go when we needed it. It is so amazing how some friends take over and get the kids taken care of.
I had a brain scan the day before Halloween to check on how the surgery and radiation went for me. The results were emailed to me and when I read them all I saw was the words “increase in size”, “enhancing lesion” throughout the report. I told Trevor that I was dying now and there was no hope. After some review with the radiologist, he had said that this result was not too bad and that my brain spots could just be inflamed right now from the radiation and we would watch and hope that they would go down on their own. A couple of days later, the brain surgeon called and said he reviewed the report and wanted to go in and do a second craniotomy on me to remove the largest remaining tumor. WHAT THE HELL!! I went through hell to recover from my first surgery and then went through hell for the radiation. I still don’t feel great from it all and I just got approved to have my license and some freedom back to my life. I told the surgeon I wasn’t interested and luckily my oncologist agrees that surgery is not an option right now.
My body has been through too much, my cancer grew quite a bit when I was off chemo dealing with the brain, and the chemo I am on now seems like it is working. My oncologist and a tumor board that my case was presented too agreed that we should wait and see if the chemo helps and if my body/brain needs some time to recover on its own. I get some scans next week to see if the chemo is working so please say a prayer for me!
I had the pleasure of watching Colin turn 10 and Quinn turn 13!!! I am so thankful to be here for these moments. The kids were 5 and 2 when I was diagnosed and I truly did not think I would see these special days. As we get to this difficult point in my journey and my cancer filled body is getting tired. I worry a lot for these kids. I know that they will be fine but I am sad that I will not be here for so much. I am thankful that they have the best family and friends around them. I am thankful for our community that has backed our family up these past few months in so many ways. I am thankful that I am still here and am still fighting. I am thankful to be here for the upcoming holidays especially b/c I thought last year was my last holiday season on earth so it means a lot to be here again. I plan to make the most memories that I can with the ones that I love.