Ugh

I am doing a good job at putting on a brave face most of the time. Many days I am able to push this awful new reality of mine to the back of my mind and move on. Go to work, take care of my family and home, and just be. But every so often this harsh reality pushes itself to the front of my mind and consumes me…..that is what has been happening the past few days. I can’t get it out of my head that I have an incurable cancer. That my future is now so unknown. That the plans I had for myself and my family may never come true. Everyone keeps telling me, “You’ll be fine” “Stay positive” “Keep that Faith”. All of that is really hard to do given the circumstances. I get it that my doctor’s say I have the best circumstances in a really bad situation and that they are optimistic and hopeful but all of the stats are not in my favor. I know that my mind is going to be the most powerful source in this fight and that I have to try to remain positive and hopeful but quite frankly this all sucks. For whatever reason I am having a hard time getting out of my own head this week and I thought that writing it down may be therapeutic. I was wrong……..