Right now in this cancer journey it is a weird time. I feel weird. I do not feel like myself. I feel like I do not look like myself. I can’t drive so I am stuck in my house all of the time. I do not have a lot of energy so I can do one thing and then take a nap. I can’t really walk for a long time without getting dizzy or still needing my cane.
I guess it is all part of the course that I am currently on. I had brain surgery and never fully recovered from it before I had radiation. I ended radiation on a Tuesday and then next day I went in and started my new chemo. It was scary on that Wednesday to see the results of my bloodwork. I knew in my head that it could be bad because I had no chemo treatments for six weeks and the cancer was on its own to do what it wanted in my body. Well my liver is not really in a good spot right now since it appears the cancer grew in my liver. We are hoping and my doctor is optimistic that the new chemo I am on will attack this cancer all over my body and brain. The side effects from this chemo are rough and so far I have experienced a couple. I have lost my taste of certain foods, tired all of the time, nauseous and some other things.
I am sad that this is where I am on this journey. I recently found out about a friend of mine- another patient- who I would visit in the infusion rooms often. I found out that she is now in hospice because nothing is working for her any longer. I know the reality of my situation and know that this is not too far away for me. I feel nervous and an extreme need to get things in order, teach my kids what I want too, make some memories- but my goodness I need more energy.
What I have learned through this whole experience is that Life is no joke. You can always get bad news and a bad situation, no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Make the best of your life. Be happy as much as you can. Be nice to others.
The Jimmy Fund walk was held this past weekend and I cannot say enough thank you’s to everyone that showed up and especially to those that put it all together. Sarah, Jen and Sarah- it meant the world to me that you put that walk together. It also made me feel like you guys are in to do that every year- whether I am alive or not- which means the world to me. My family and I were so thankful to everyone that showed up. I always tell the kids that everyone at an event like this will be the people that will be here for you when things are tough with mommy. So thank you everyone.
I am working hard on getting my head in the right space. On trying to be positive and feel alive again. Hopefully soon I will somewhat be my normal self again.