30% can mean so many different things. 30% off on something is a great sale! 30% increase in some things could be a big deal. In my case a 30% reduction is huge news!! We found out a couple of weeks ago, after my first CT scan on this new treatment, that I have had a “partial response” to my treatment and my tumors have had a 30% reduction in the two months since I started on this new treatment.
This is great news, I know. I am thankful and excited that this treatment is working. I feel so guilty when people are so excited and happy to hear this news. I feel guilty b/c while I am thankful we have found something that works these past few months have not been easy at all. I have not had one appointment go smoothly (with the exception of this past weeks appt.). I have been deemed “one of those patients” at DFCI b/c there is always something.
I have had appointments where my port has not worked at all. We had to wait hours for the TPA agent to work and unblock my port. I have gone in and had the port work in the lab only to go up for treatment and have it not work. I have had my white blood cell count be too low to continue on certain meds. I have had to walk around DFCI and briskly walk the stairs in the hallways with nurses and Sarah in order to try to get my white blood cell count up- this actually works believe it or not!! I have had allergic reactions. Bottom line- it has not been easy.
The scary part for me is after this setback and the progression to my liver, the reality of it all has really become more evident than ever. I am not invincible. The reason that I was told I had a “partial response” to my treatment is b/c I will NEVER have a total response to treatment. As a Stage 4 patient, since this cancer has decided to make a home in multiple spots in my body- I can never truly be rid of it. For the remainder of my life, the goal is to keep the cancer at bay, contained where it is and hope that it does not spread. I will need to be on treatment forever. Move from one treatment to the next in hope that one works for longer than the one before. In hopes to just get more time. Very scary and very sad for me. I am living in a way on borrowed time and the reality of that has been a little too much for me lately.
Thankfully, my appointment this week went well. My port tried to act up in the beginning but we got it to work! Treatment went well, I received acupuncture during my treatment and had a room with a view on the first sunny day in a really long time!! I am hoping that this means that things have turned a corner and it will start to get a bit easier.
Even while dealing with all of this, we are trying to focus on the bright points in our life. Quinn’s recent first communion, our 11th wedding anniversary, Colin’s upcoming pre-school graduation. All memories that I cherish and really am just thankful to be here for.
Don’t forget to join us for our 2019 fundraiser on June 1st. A fun family night complete with a BBQ, Paw Sox game and fireworks!! Please buy your tickets ASAP so we can plan accordingly! aprilcabral.com/tickets