Recently Quinn started the first grade. For days (maybe even weeks) before the first day of school Trevor and I causally started talking about going back to school. New teacher, new class, new routine. Quinn would always reply to us that she is fine and basically that going to first grade is no biggie for her. Until…..the first day of school when my “tough” little 6 year old burst into tears and started asking about all of the things we had tried to talk to her about. Luckily she (and I) made it through the first day and she is thriving in first grade. I couldn’t help but feel sad for her though b/c I handle things in the same way. I put on my brave face, tell everyone I am fine until…. I can’t anymore. Then my flood gates open. The tears can’t be stopped and I cannot get out of my own head.
For whatever reason this is currently happening. My emotions are all over the place. I think that the overwhelming emotions of the walk and everything leading up to it hit me hard. Words cannot express how proud, thankful and amazed I am by our team and the amount of money we raised (OVER $36,000!!!!). We took on the streets of Boston, on a really hot day and we conquered it together! Two members of our team even conquered the whole 26.2 miles!
Looking at our team of 43 registered members and almost 85 people walking, my heart bursts. It bursts because I am thankful to be so loved. I am honored to walk alongside all of you for such a great cause. I am happy to see all of our friends and family come together. But I am also sad. While the walk is an amazing thing, I hate that we are there walking for me. I am sad that my face is on a Jimmy Fund sign because I have cancer. Most of all I am angry. Angry that cancer is taking and going to take so many things away from me. After such an amazing weekend, I am almost ashamed to feel so sad right now but this is me being honest and vulnerable.
I also had my 18th doctors visit at Dana Farber this week. All continues to look good and stable. I am getting new supplements to deal with the bone pain I have been having, which is a side effect of one of my medications. Hopefully, I will start to feel less stiff and old. The overactive hot flashes I have been dealing with lately are attributed to my more chaotic schedule and this insanely hot weather for September! We move on to the next month and the 19th cycle!!
I know this post is sort of all over the place and that is b/c right now I am sort of all over the place. Please know that I can never express how truly thankful I am for all of the love and support that people show me, not only for the walk, but on a daily basis. I feel truly lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. It brings me comfort to know that my family has so many people to lean on.
I put together the slide show from walk day. Hope you all enjoy! Until next time……
A couple of notes on the slideshow:
- Make sure to click HD on the bottom right corner so it is clear
- If you cannot hear the music, click on the volume button on the bottom right corner and then click it a second time and the song should be audible!!