This girl is still STABLE!!! My latest set of scans were this past Wednesday and boy was it a LONG day. We left our house at 5:45, arrived in Boston at 8:15, was poked, scanned and examined all day long and finally made it home around 8:30! It was draining. The anxiety of these appointments sets in the night before, not only for me but for Trevor too!! I usually feel ok while driving in but as soon as I sit in the chair to get my IV put in all of my emotions come flooding out. The nervousness of just not knowing. Knowing what the outcome will be on this one particular day. Not knowing if this bitch cancer has spread or if we are still outsmarting it. Not knowing if my new normal (which I am getting used to) is over and I will have to start a new treatment regime and begin another new normal. Thankfully my oncologist came into the room (a couple of hrs late) with a smile saying that everything looks great. The affected lymph nodes look smaller, the bones look like they are still healing, there are no new spots and bottom line…..this treatment is working! My doctor is extremely confident that I am going to do well with this disease and that we will treat it as a chronic illness rather than terminal. One we have all heard said before but when you are dealing with CANCER it is hard to accept that this can be dealt with. She reiterated that I have many things in my favor- my overall great health (with the exception of the beast), the fact that I have minimal disease in my bones, the fact that my cancer had never been exposed to chemo making it really easy to manipulate! I will continue to have my monthly appointments complete with my Lupron shot, start getting scanned every 4 months as opposed to the original plan of every three months (a good sign) and get my infusion every three months as well.
As odd as it all is I am feeling somewhat peaceful about this situation. I feel confident that I am going to be ok with this disease and that I will be one of the “exceptional responders” and live for a long time with this (most days anyways). This feeling of confidence and peace also makes me feel pretty naïve and somewhat stupid but it is what it is and we will just have to wait and see what happens. Such is life, right?
Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. They mean the world to me and are really helping me get through all of this. At the risk of sounding really cheesy, I watched a movie recently called Miracles From Heaven. It is based on a true story of a child with a horrible disease that could not be cured (who happened to be treated at Children’s in Boston). She had an accident unrelated to her disease, apparently went to heaven, and came back to life cured of her illness. While you think this is the point of the title, it is not. The point of the title is that after she is cured, the family reflects on the little miracles that they were blessed with while going through this terrible ordeal. It made me reflect on all of the tiny miracles that I have been blessed with. The friends who set up your blog for you, the friends you haven’t seen or spoken to in years who reach out or express their care, the ones that fill your fridge with food for the days you aren’t feeling well, the family and friends that rally around you, the awesome trip with your girlfriends that make you laugh, the Reiki master who gives you a discount and free session, the therapist who takes your case without charging you, the family that takes are of your kids on scan days so we can just focus on the hospital visit knowing the kids are ok. These and so many more instances are all blessings that may not seem like much to the ones doing them but they mean the world to me.