“How can you enjoy life if you spend every minute fearing the end of it?”
This sentence was in a book I just started reading and I felt that it was the perfect way to describe my life lately. My cancer has always held the sand timer over my head since the day I was diagnosed. The first few years the sand dripped down so slowly and then there was some progression to my liver and the sand sped up a bit. Well in the past year, the sand is falling down at an alarming rate.
In the past year, I have been on six different treatments that did not work. They wreaked havoc on my life and my body but they didn’t touch the cancer. The latest treatment, Taxol, that I have been on since June had it’s own lovely side effects. Taxol made me lose all of the hair on my body! While scalp cooling was great and saved a lot of the hair on my head, I do have huge bald spots all over. I no longer have any eye lashes and the only reason I have eyebrows is because I had them tattooed on earlier this year!
Throughout my time being treated with Taxol, my bloodwork would always point in the direction that this med was not working for me. I had scans last Friday which proved this. Unfortunately, my cancer has now exploded in my liver- creating innumerable liver lesions, I have some new spots in my spine, shoulder and femur. The cancer has also now taken up residence in my lungs. Not good news at all and some hard topics were covered in my appointment today. We are going to start a new chemo later on this week and I will really need a miracle that this med works and gets this cancer under control. I have not been feeling my best lately and it looks like I am on the path to just get worse if we cannot get this under control. Unfortunately, my journey has gotten very very tough now and the sand is starting to run out.