On Patriot’s Day 2016, a naïve me, went to the hospital for what I thought was going to be a routine mammogram only to be told that the results were “very concerning” and that I needed an ultrasound. I went across the hall still thinking that there was no way there was anything wrong with me. I was wrong and over the course of the following week and a half I went from a woman who had it all to a woman with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. I remember in the initial weeks of my diagnosis thinking that I would not be alive for very much longer. I remember telling certain people what I wanted them to tell my kids about me. I remember getting “my affairs” in order b/c I didn’t want Trevor to have too much of a burden if I was not around to handle things.
Here I am a year later… still battling Stage 4 Breast Cancer. The terminal form of breast cancer which has NO cure. Thankfully doing really well and in a way weird way feeling more alive than I ever have before. I try my hardest to live in each moment and to spend my time doing what I truly care about with those that I truly want to be around. I have learned a lot about myself this past year and learned a lot about how much support and love surrounds me.
In the past year I have taken around 252 pills of oral chemotherapy, approximately 365 pills to eliminate the estrogen in my body, had 12 shots to shut down my ovaries, given countless tubes of blood and cried myself to sleep almost every night. BUT I get up each morning, put on a brave face and move on. Some days, for small amounts of time, forgetting about this beast that lies beneath the surface of my body.
So this time of year is my “Cancerversary”. Do you celebrate a Cancerversary? I am not sure if you should celebrate the day that you are handed your death sentence? Or do you look at it from a different perspective and celebrate that you are still here a year, or hopefully, years later. I am not going to celebrate the anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. I am going to celebrate the miracle combinations of drugs that I am on that continue to let me live my “normal” life. I choose to celebrate the amazing team of doctors that I have that are continuously looking for ways to make my life longer. I will celebrate still being here!
Many people ask me why I have a blog or why I am doing so much to raise money for the Jimmy Fund. This blog is my outlet, my therapy. It is also a way for me to keep people informed as to what is going on with me and to also educate people about a disease (Metastatic Breast Cancer) that I never knew about. As you can tell I am not a writer and make numerous grammatical errors! The one thing about this blog is it is authentic. I write what I feel as I am feeling it. I do not reread or proof read what I write. I type and then hit “publish”. (kind of like how I talk, I think it and say it! HA)
The reason for my passion in raising funds for the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber goes back to my control freak tendencies stated in the bio of this blog. Raising money makes me feel like I am directly helping fuel the research that may find the cure for me and others like me. If a cure is found I can rest easier that Quinn and all of her little girlfriends and cousins will never have to deal with this.
Thank you all for staying with me on this journey for the past year. I hope that this is a very long journey that has only just begun.