One of the things that keeps me up at night and brings tears to my eyes every time i think about it (even now as I type this) is the thought of how Trevor and the kids will cope and handle things when this disease and my life takes a turn for the worst. Well i have to say looking at the wonderful people that surround us, support us and show us unconditional love gives me some peace in this situation.
A couple of weeks ago we took to the streets of Boston and participated in the 30th Annual Jimmy Fund Walk. We had the largest team to date and one of my personal highlights are the Mini- Crusaders. I feel like we have the most kids on our team and to see my own children surrounded by their cousins and friends brings peace to my heart. We are so blessed to have so much love and support in all of you. I can never thank you enough.
I look at the photos in the slideshow and my Jimmy Fund sign along the course route and i see a smiling woman, who from the looks of it seems fine. Well, I have found that I am one hell of an actress!!! For two and a half years i have gotten up every day and put one foot in front of the other, most times with a smile on my face. And to be quite honest it is exhausting. I truly believe in the power of positivity and that what you give out you receive back so putting on a brave face and moving on is something i believe will help this battle be a little easier but it is really hard. It is hard to be in pain or feel awful most days and still go on. It is hard to wake up in the middle of the night in tears b/c you just need to let them out. It is hard to watch your husband struggle with what is going on with you. It is hard to live a life-month to month- based on a doctors appointment and what news they may give you.
For the past couple of months i have not been feeling my best. My side effects have been heightened and some new minor issues have come up. The past few weeks though i have been in a lot of pain. It could be nothing, it could be something. When you have Cancer you just never know. Pain in your body could mean progression in your cancer, it could mean you need a new bed! I had just had my most recent doctors appointment a couple of days ago and will get my next set of scans at the end of the month. This will be where we see what happens next. Best case, my pain is not cancer related and we continue on the same regimen I am on. Worst case, my cancer is progressing and we switch up my treatment to the next one.
Thankfully, through all of the research, which we raise funds for there are many treatment options for me if we have to move on. I am a creature of habit though and changing things up is very, very scary to me. But until we know, we move forward and hope for the best.
I hope you enjoy this years slideshow. We always enjoy being with everyone on walk day and everyday!! So much love to everyone who supported, donated and especially those that walked with us!!