Doxil was supposed to be my shining star of a medication. It was supposed to be the introduction to IV chemo that I needed to halt this cancers growth and maybe shrink some of these tumors for the first time in a long time. Doxil was supposed to the be “easiest” of IV Chemo’s.
Well Doxil, for me was NONE of these things. It started off with a massive allergic reaction that rattled me to the core. Followed by 8-9 hour treatments through desensitization. Then a week after treatment nauseous and fatigue that was indescribable. After my third treatment a few weeks ago I broke out in a rash on my body that turned into welts and open sores. A dermatologist confirmed yesterday that this rash was toxicity from the chemo that was coming out when I sweat and irritating my skin! I have been wrapped in gauze and in terrible pain for the past couple of weeks. Oh yeah, the mouth sores- can’t forget about them as well. Mouth sores so painful that I could barely eat solid foods for a week. I also found out that I have a small compression fracture in my spine from my slip in the shower a few months ago!
And as I found out yesterday after my CT scans- Doxil was an epic FAIL. Three months of suffering and wondering daily if all of this was worth it when you know that the end in site from this will always be “MY END” and this medication did nothing. Did not touch the cancer. IV chemo that was supposed to rock my cancer did nothing. I have two new liver lesions, a new tumor on my sacrum and two of my existing liver tumors grew. A lot of pain and suffering for nothing. To say that I am frustrated, disappointed and terrified would be an understatement.
As usual, my amazing doctor and her team, have a plan. A new trial that just opened up on Friday (yes, three days ago) is available to me and I fit perfectly into the parameters for the trial. I have to try to remain hopeful and have faith that the fact that this trial opened a couple of days before I needed a miracle means that it is meant for me and that hopefully this treatment is “the one”. It is a new IV chemo mixed with some other targeted therapies and hopefully it is the shock that my cancer needs.
I desperately need a win here with this disease. The last couple of years have been so hard. I am thankful for the time that I have been given but it is not enough. I want more, I need more and quite frankly I feel that I deserve more.